my story

I try to present overview in my little blog on health, just trying to punch that sliver of light through that crack in the wall that someone might see. I try to be coherent, and keep it simple.

But recently, in an email exchange with one of my primary health mentors, my own story, abbreviated version, spilled out. I think it may make a good blog post, so here it is, mostly unedited:

You probably don't get to Oklahoma very often, but are at least intellectually aware of the health devastation in fly over america, approx equal to big urban inner city america.

My mother somehow got the idea one should never eat fresh produce, it could be tainted and make you sick. one headline about food poisoning that happened to three people? industry bull poopie? don't know how she came to this view, but it devastated her health, and that of my sister and me. our meals always started from canned, processed, packaged, frozen. Their marriage hit the rocks when I was about 7, but they didn't separate, after that sis and I were pretty much on our own in the kitchen, mom shut down.

Not an atypical story. mom became more and more eccentric, depressed, and neurotic, I ran away from home at 15, had my 16th bday "on the road". Returned home but was free to do as I pleased from then on. I tested smart at school, but was held back a year for a straight F report card. School counselor recommended another course for me, join the military when legal age, or go to a military school. i really wanted the former, but chose the latter after a minor epiphany about the direction I was headed, spending junior and senior years at a military academy in Kansas. I never would have graduated high school otherwise.

Fell in love with photography, it saved me. I was always a "reader" as a kid, that saved me too. Spent time in Cali at the SF Art Institute, made my way to NYC at 30. By 37 was sick with a variety of symptoms, overweight with debilitating migraines, emotional insecurity, anxiety attacks. I was a right mess.

Then I found raw food the first time, at 37. Read every book I could find, but still had no real guidance, went from 200 lbs to 135 in 2 years, too far. Figured must be missing some micro or other, now realize was probably just calories. Fell off the wagon in stages and return to ill health was very slow... I did know a thing or two by that time.

Was still not fit for human consumption, girlfriend at the time said "get into therapy or it's over", so I did. Was still pretty raw food at that point and by luck found Jane Goldberg PhD who you met at Fruit Fest, who had been raw for 20 years by then. Jane saved me.

Being a curious reader became fascinated with the process, studied and read Freud and other psychoanalytic theory for personal perspective. And now of course recognize the extreme importance of nutrition on emotional grounding/stability...should come right at the beginning of any therapeutic approach. Time in analysis / psychologist will still be important for those not grounded sufficiently by family. Freud figured out a bunch of basic stuff still not generally appreciated, primarily having to do with the idea we are driven primarily by instinct like any other species....like 90%, most of that completely unconscious. Current neuroscience just now catching up to this perspective.

Life is complicated, and challenge gives life meaning. Life is, all said and done, beautiful. Finding yourself aware and responsive in the moment is pretty much as god as it gets.