Relationships. Character flaws, everyone has them. Relationships plus character flaws is a tough combination. But as far as I can tell it's the only format relationships come in.
So what's the big deal? I can put up with my own character flaws, why can't you? Well of course, our own character flaws are usually pretty easy to put up with, we're used to them. Heck they're almost invisible to us, it's who we are. By a certain age hopefully we become comfortable with who we are. "Comfortable in your own skin" I think it's called.
Why then is it so difficult to put up with the character flaws of others? Well, actually, usually we can put up with them, as long as we don't have to live with them day to day. Living with another's character flaws is an entirely different fettle of kitsch.
So how do we manage this? A few things come to mind. The most basic is the intellectual understanding that this is simply the nature of partner relationships. That one thing goes a long way toward allowing others the space they deserve to be the flawed human beans they are.
Another thing is to get one's own house in order. Work on your own inadequacies. As you become more solid in who you are it becomes so much easier to forgive others for their flaws. I don't know why this is exactly, perhaps as you develop self-compassion you find it easier to extend to others as well. It might be said "becoming well" boils down to development of self-compassion. Getting one's own house in order is a certainly worthy goal to strive for. It may even be paramount.
Begin to notice your efforts at "improving" your partner is almost always counter productive. Particularly when it takes the form of irritation combined with nagging, which carries with the the sub text of "holier than thou". Who needs that?
We all have to learn so much of this the hard way. Well, that's OK, that's how it sticks.
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